What Does Healing Mean to Each of Us?

Our fourteenth TOPS 'Back Stories’ guest blog feature writer is TOPS’ friend and colleague, Stacy Joyce. In this heartfelt reflection, Stacy shares how her healing journey after spinal fusion extended far beyond surgery and medical clearance. From braces and restricted movement to rediscovering confidence through yoga and small risks, she explores what healing truly means — physically, emotionally, and mentally.

With a thoughtful postscript written by Martha, this piece gently reminds us that healing is deeply personal, cannot be rushed, and should never be measured against someone else’s timeline.

*****

Healing after a major surgery, such as spinal fusion, looks different for every person.

Beyond the practical factors like age, how many levels were fused, and the type of surgery, there is a deeper question to consider: what does healing actually mean to each of us? Healing is often defined as the process of becoming sound or healthy again. The World Health Organization defines health as a state of complete physical, mental, and social well-being, not merely the absence of disease or infirmity. Based on that definition, some people may never feel fully “healed.”

My own healing journey began when I was released from the hospital after a three-week stay for both anterior and posterior spinal fusion surgeries.

I had never worn a brace before entering the hospital, but I left with one. I was instructed to wear it all day and could only remove it to shower and sleep. The brace was there to prevent my spine from moving while the new bone solidified.

About six months later, the brace finally came off, but I was still placed on restricted movement. Even after it was gone, I think the brace continued to dictate how I moved. I would bend my knees to pick something up instead of using a more natural hip hinge. Over time, this took a toll on my knees, and they became sore and creaky.

I stayed in this restricted phase for about a year, until one day my doctor told me I could do anything I wanted. Zero restrictions.

Around that time, I started college and I lived near the beach. I was afraid to walk too far into the water because I worried a small wave might knock me down. I felt weak and had very little confidence in my ability to stay standing.

I also joined a women’s gym with my roommate, which felt like a safer environment for me. I had no idea what I was doing in a gym, and I felt awkward and uncoordinated in group fitness classes, so I decided to try a yoga class.

I wasn’t flexible at all, but I was immediately drawn to it. Yoga became a safe place for me to reconnect with my body.

About a year later, I bought rollerblades so I could join a friend. I carefully searched for flat paths along the beach, avoiding anything that felt too risky. Looking back, I would say this period, when I was slowly regaining confidence in my movement, was my true time of healing. It happened around the two-year mark.

The new bone fused in a matter of months, but I didn’t feel healed until much later.

When I think about the emotional toll of going through such a major surgery as a teenager, I realize how much I stayed in denial. I understood very little about what was happening, and that was partly by choice.

I didn’t begin questioning my scoliosis or my spinal fusion until I was in my early thirties. Around that time, I met a woman who had undergone the same surgery, and she was pregnant. She felt like a superwoman to me.

What healing means to me

Having scoliosis and a spinal fusion allows me to connect with a wide range of people, including those navigating scoliosis for the first time, those contemplating surgery, and those exploring movement decades after a fusion.

I hear from college students, middle-aged adults, seniors, and parents.

One message from a parent stayed with me. They wrote that their child had a spinal fusion a month earlier and was unhappy with the results. At follow-up appointments, they saw other children who had surgery around the same time and seemed to be doing better in appearance. Even though the surgeon had explained that it could take a year for the body to “settle,” the parent wanted to know if there were exercises their child should already be doing.

I understand the fear that the body you see right after surgery might be your forever body. I also know, from experience, that your body needs time to heal and to rebuild strength around a newly fused spine.

But what really struck a deep chord in me was something else.

After such a major surgery, after so much pain and disruption, and before real healing has even had a chance to begin, there is already a feeling that something still needs fixing.

Maybe we are in a rush to see the perfect spine. The beautiful results. A fast return to sports. A quick way to tuck this experience away and move on.

That may be true for some people. But for many of us, it isn’t.

When I had my surgery, I didn’t have the internet or social media. In some ways, that could have been helpful. In other ways, it might not have been, especially if I had compared myself to others and felt discouraged.

For me, healing wasn’t just about bone fusion or medical clearance. It was about slowly rebuilding trust in my body and learning that healing can take much longer than the surgery itself.

For more on Stacy Joyce, visit her Spinal Fusion Yoga website here.

***

Postword by Martha

Reading Stacy’s words brings up many emotions for me as my own healing ‘journey’ with scoliosis has taken many more years than I ever expected, and I am still learning!  It is such an important message for us to take our OWN time and not allow any outside forces to put pressure on us. 

We live in such a fast-paced society that it is very easy to feel rushed to get quick results, regardless of the goal. Whether it is plowing through a school degree, or setting targets for getting in shape, or planning a house renovation, or ‘getting that surgery over with’, there is a tendency to feel pressure to accomplish the task quickly, efficiently, and successfully… whatever that means! But healing from an injury or a surgery, or any other somatic ‘assault’, is not a task. It is a process that is different for every person. In fact, for some, it may be a lifelong process to come to terms with a new reality -  physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. And comparing ourselves to anyone else’s process is really not helpful! 

We are the only person who really knows how we feel. This is especially important when easing into all forms of movement and exercises following injury and/or surgery. Of course we need to move, but we must learn to recognize and also communicate our limitations to everyone around us without feeling the need to ‘keep up’, or without feeling lesser or embarrassed. This is especially tricky for teenagers, but all ages can feel similarly. 

I came across a quote the other day by the American inspirational speaker Iyanla Vanzant that says, 

"Comparison is an act of violence against the self." 

Whoah. That hits home. 

Basically, the message suggests that measuring one’s life, body, or achievements against others is a form of internal harm as it breeds insecurity, shame, and self-doubt. 

It’s a great reminder to not let anything or any one undermine your personal uniqueness, joy, and peace - especially if you are going through a healing process!

***

Questions or comments? Reach out.