A Healing Crisis
This is Part 29 of a serial blog originally titled 'Martha Carter's Healing Journey'. In Part 28, I explored scientific evidence, the mind-body-environment link, and causes of illness and related examples from some of Dr. Gabor Maté’s work in considering how his research might be applied towards investigating the ‘unknown’ root causes of scoliosis. In Part 27, my discussion with a private consult client brings about reflections, memories, realizations, and questions. Missed the earlier posts? Read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 25, and Part 26.
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INTRODUCTION
A few weeks ago, I went to bed feeling fine.
When I tried to stand up the next morning, I was completely crooked.
I had such a sharp pain in my right sacroiliac joint that I was forced to tilt way over to the left, which made me feel completely crippled. I limped to the washroom, mumbling to myself about how this was impossible, and then dragged myself back to bed. I was fine the night before... What happened in my sleep?
Shit!!
As I lay back down, I focused on breathing into my spine - into the pain - willing the muscles to relax and realign.
But alas, when I tried to stand up again, it felt worse.
DAMN.
BACKGROUND STORY
This kind of spasm is unfortunately very familiar to me.
It is ‘the thing’ that happens every once in awhile that forces me to completely STOP, catching me off guard - and always against my will. It usually happens because of an accidental quick jarring movement like slipping on ice, or tripping over a stair. But this hasn’t happened for a long time. Actually, thanks to all of my focused movement training, my back has become increasingly strong and balanced. Between yoga, physio, massage, and other supportive care, I have been working very carefully to strengthen my body to keep these spasm episodes from happening.
But alas, there it was - again.
It felt like my body just changed its mind about feeling good and said NO to force me to stop and rest.
No to what?
The end-of-harvest gardening that I was doing last week? The heavy grocery bags that I lifted the other day? The two weeks of intensive Essential Somatics workshops I recently attended?
I had been feeling so good following the workshops that I had actually danced around the living room, showing off to my family how my knee and back were feeling pain-free and flexible for the first time in ages.
I was fine before I went to bed, so what happened in my sleep?
And how to handle something so sudden and extreme like this?
Did I actually injure myself? What should I do?
Oh right, I remembered, I have to STOP.
But how am I supposed to just stop without creating all kinds of other stress?
I have appointments, obligations, things to do; places to go.
Unless someone is around to take over, it’s pretty much impossible to stop everything.
I knew what my body was asking for, but it sure wasn’t easy to listen!
Later in the afternoon, after a lot of deep breathing and visualizing in bed,
I managed to get down on to the floor to do some simple movements, with extra focus on recalibrating my pelvis. I inhaled deeply into the discomfort, and exhaled slowly, willing all my muscles to relax. I felt the tears in my throat… the emotion in my chest. I hate this.
Why Why Why???
… does it matter why?
I thought of my last blog, reflecting on scoliosis through the work of Dr. Gabor Maté, where I spoke about us being bio-psycho-social-spiritual beings, and how it’s essential to optimum health to find a balance in all aspects of our ’soma’ (body, mind and soul). I wondered what was so out of balance about mine that I had gone into spasm in my sleep.
When I got up from the floor - which was difficult - it was worse.
I could not straighten my spine. Not only because of the pain, but because the muscles were completely locked.
I struggled my way to the kitchen. Just reaching into the cupboard to get a glass and filling it with water were very challenging tasks. I went back to bed and the only comfortable positions were to lie flat on my back, or curled up on my side in a fetal position.
FACING REALITY - STOPPING AND GRIEVING
I felt many mixed emotions - which I later realized were similar to the Five Stages of Grief, as described by Kübler-Ross: Denial, Anger, Depression, Bargaining, Acceptance.
It occured to me that every time I have a difficult ‘back episode’ of any kind, I find myself grieving my loss of mobility as if something or someone has died. I know. Very dramatic, but real. Sigh.
I went from denial to anger to depression in about one hour.
How could this have happened when I have been focusing so much on balance and symmetry in my whole ‘soma’?
How DARE this happen when I have been trying so hard!
I HATE IT when this happens.
After a day of trying to do nothing and cycling through the anger and depression part of the Kübler-Ross paradigm, I emailed my friend and teacher to ask her advice. She immediately responded by saying, “It sounds like you are having a healing crisis”.
A healing crisis!!!??
Crisis yes, but healing crisis?
WHAT IS A HEALING CRISIS?
I have heard this term before, but mostly in the context of feeling nauseous, or having a skin rash or some other side effect from doing an intense detox, or while taking special herbs and supplements, or while changing diets. I have never heard the expression used to describe a musculoskeletal spasm.
I looked it up.
The first definition I found was ‘detox’ oriented:
In a healing crisis, every body system works together to eliminate waste products and set the stage for regeneration. The body is "locked" into a destructive and shut down place, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Symptoms of the healing crisis may at first be identical to the dis-ease it is meant to heal. But a cleansing, purifying process is underway and stored wastes are in a free-flowing state.
(from ‘Understanding the Healing Crisis’ by Ginger Chalford, Ph.D)
However this description, paraphrased from ‘Understanding the Healing Crisis’ by Jon Burras, resonated better with my own experience:
A healing crisis, while not necessarily a pleasurable experience (and often quite painful), is a worthwhile event in our lives in the long term. For example, many dedicated students of yoga may unknowingly enter into a healing crisis with a consistent practice. With each practice, a student of yoga begins to unravel the layers of physical and emotional holding within the body. As the outer layers unfold, the next layer presents itself to us as an untold story. We may have been accustomed to experiencing our world from a surface layer when we are thrust into relating from a deeper layer. This new layer has a different story to teach us as new information is revealed. All of a sudden your shoulders might begin to feel painful or tight. Your hips cry out in the night when lying on your side. Perhaps your normal high levels of energy seem to have dropped.
When going through a healing crisis it is important to dispel the myth that “healing means always feeling better”. You may feel worse before you actually begin to feel better. This could last for days or even months as your body readjusts itself.(http://www.jonburras.com/pdfs/understanding-healing-crisis.pdf)
Yup! That pretty much describes my it!
The fact that I had been intensively studying Essential Somatics - a technique which is meant to help restore function - when everything went crazy for no apparent reason, was the key to my believing that I was actually experiencing a healing crisis. Although it felt like an injury at the time, it was actually my body working out old problems to settle into a new way of being.
If so, then this was exciting, right? No need to grieve after all!
I rolled my eyes at myself...
WHAT TO DO WHILE DOING NOTHING
As soon as I was able to see it as a change for the good, I stopped feeling depressed and planned to help myself rest the best I could. I managed to get an appointment with a trusted massage therapist who gently manipulated and realigned my SI joint. She agreed with the healing crisis diagnosis, and told me I would be better than ever after I got through it. Then she sent me home to lie on a heating pad.
I postponed all my plans and got myself organized for a few days of serious rest. I plugged in my heating pad and massage wand, and lined up an inspired collection of goodies like Advil, CBD and THC jellies, topical muscle cream, extra pillows, a walking cane, a big pot of tea, and lots of soup.
Doing nothing takes a lot of planning and persistence.
For the next few days, I did as little as possible. With every breath, I felt my body shift slightly as the pain and tightness moved from one place to another. I thought about how I was being ‘thrust into a deeper layer of understanding’, and how that had to be a good thing. I also reflected on another definition I read that said:
“In a healing crisis, there is a brief repeat of symptoms one has had in the past, in backwards order of occurrence. Symptoms that were more recent will recur first, with symptoms from early childhood showing up much later.” (Katherine Willow ND)
Yikes! I realized this could go on for awhile. So I looked up suggestions on how to ease my way through it all, took another deep breath, and ‘settled in’ for the depth of my new lessons to reveal themselves...
How to Ease Your Way Through a Healing Crisis
Be kind to yourself, and get the rest that you need. Set yourself up with everything you need to be as comfortable and stress-free as possible.
Drink plenty of fresh filtered or distilled water to flush the body of toxins.
Avoid “white” foods. White flour products (bread, pasta, etc), milk and all other dairy products, sugar and starches (white rice, potatoes, etc).
Eat light meals. Chicken, turkey, vegetables, and soups are especially beneficial.
Avoid red meat. Focus on eating anti-inflammatory foods.
When necessary, use painkillers.
As much as possible use anti-inflammatory lotions, and other supportive / natural remedies to help with healing.
In my next blog, I delve into more details about my recent experiences studying Essential Somatics™, the wonderful source of this healing crisis, and how it HAS led to more ease in my movement in general. While I shared about my early explorations in Somatics late last year and this past spring, I am now taking the Somatics Teacher Training program which is much more extensive. In fact, this healing crisis experience has given me a much deeper understanding of the power of this practice, which I look forward to sharing in my future classes, workshops and retreats.
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