A Reflection on Changing Habits - My Experience in '21-Day Twisted Transformation' by Cindy Heidel
Our fourth TOPS Guest Blog feature writer is Cindy Heidel, from Baltimore, USA. Cindy was a participant in our first ever ‘TOPS 21-Day TWiSTED Transformation’ challenge - a 21-day online class series, November 2020.
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ABOUT the ‘21 day rule’
“It takes 21 days to make or break a habit.”
REALLY? I’ve heard this phrase used many times in my life. Amusing that it comes from a 1960s self-help book by a cosmetic surgeon! Quite a few years have passed since then and more research shows that at the minimum, 21 days in a row of ‘something’ allows for the creation of new neural pathways. These are composed of neurons, connected by dendrites, which are created in the brain based on habits and behaviors. As we participate in new activities, our brains are being trained to create new pathways (habits) which start to be developed in 21 days. The longer you continually practice, the more neural pathways. Thank you, Doctor Google!!
Having read that, it was actually my suggestion that prompted TOPS to offer a 21-Day Twisted Transformation program to help me (and others) with scoliosis to establish new habits… and I am so happy I did! From November 1-21, 2020, 25 people attended a daily, one-hour Zoom class taught by three alternating scoliosis movement specialists—Martha Carter, Kathryn Kusyszyn and Sandra Razieli—to explore our curves and twists. As they said repeatedly, “This 21 days together is to find a home in your body, in your home”.
LOOKING FOR SOLUTIONS
For many years I have been looking for answers to fix my pain and discomfort. My hopes were that this 21-day accountability adventure would instill in me a daily healthy habit to care for my sometimes-ignored scoliosis and fusion. I hoped to end up with my own daily practice, but I am, by nature, scattered. Luckily, one of the last nuggets of wisdom that I heard shared was “What your body needs each day may be different”. Damn! No easy fix after all!
This, dear friends, has been something I’ve struggled with—for as long as I can remember. I am finally realizing that there is no easy ‘fix’ to care for my ‘deluxe features’ and just be totally out of pain. I’ve always wanted something to just FIX ME! But alas, after surgeries that ‘over-corrected’ me, then broken rods, followed by more trauma, pain, doctors, surgeons, pills, and suggestions of more surgery? No thank you. More of the same… pain and confusion, still no answers. I just wanted it to go away.
A wise friend told me that things continue to be put in our path until we are done with that given lesson. A silent desperation came over me. This is when I realized that I had to look outside of the norm. And that’s when I fell into the arms of these amazing body workers.
L-R: Cindy’s Spine before Surgery; Fused; Broken Rods
ACCEPTANCE
It has taken me a long time to fully accept this body I inhabit, and even longer to nurture it. Until I found acceptance. Acceptance comes in drips and drops, here and—not always there. Each day there is a new arrival, as Rumi says in his poem ‘The Guest House’:
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
LIVING WITH ACCEPTANCE AND PRACTICE
When I can live in acceptance of what my scoliosis brings to the surface each day, I can focus on being accountable with my self-care. My guest house is like a tired old 1950s motel. It’s seen a lot of action and some days it’s just plum worn out! It needs some TLC. Some DIY improvements are in order. There are some days when my inner child doesn’t want to do what’s necessary to live in comfort in this body.
But this is where I now see that scoliosis is a gift. If I go one day without doing my breathing, my stretches, my strengthening, my adjusting, my talking with other twisted friends—another form of nurturing—then my body starts giving me hell. So I dig into my box of tools and start each day with the renovations. This, my friends, is how I keep this old motel inhabitable! Showing up for myself these past 21 days has been a meditation of sorts in admitting that I DO have the ability to affect my pain and discomfort with the help of insightful, knowledgeable teachers.
I used to hide that I had scoliosis. I’ve been running from my body for as long as I can remember. In high school, I would hide my brace under the bed at my friend’s house; in my 20’s, I would run from relationships, moving from state to state; for years, I have been trying to ignore it with too much to drink, sex, and taking prescribed medications for pain and anxiety. I would do anything I could to ignore this vessel I called home.
I know I cannot change this habit overnight, but through daily practice, I start to feel positive changes.
COMMUNITY
I was raised to never draw attention to myself. In another life, I was a stand-up comic. I learned that when I had the nerve to share the darkest part of me, other people laughed. Sometimes out of discomfort, most times out of sheer relief that they were not alone in having the same thoughts. When you share your truth, you give others permission to share theirs.
That is another gift that this 21 days in my scoliotic body has given me. I am no longer alone here. Experiencing a group of twisted spines ‘live’ on Zoom gives me more than physical relief. The fellowship that supports me in my former aloneness is as wonderful as the exercises that bolster my back. The solitary existence of struggling with this condition is no more.
ABOUT THE 21-DAY ZOOM CLASSES
Thank you ZOOM for these live classes that allow the connection to other beings with scoliosis… live and in person during Covid. The teacher and participant interaction during the 15-minute meetup session before every class for questions and sharing created connection with fellow twisty friends.
Thank you to Martha, Sandra, and Kat for dedicating so much time and study into this mysterious anomaly. Body, mind and spirit encompasses the three different teachers—with each one sharing different strengths. One is focused on the exactness of Iyengar yoga poses, one on the fascinating physiological relationship of brain to body, and one shares these assorted styles of discipline daily which are opening up places in my body and mind that have become stagnant. Thank you all for helping to make my Guest House more habitable.
The workshop ended a couple of days ago. Where I am in Florida the class was on Zoom at 12:30pm daily. It’s almost 12:30pm as I write this. My body is telling me that I need to stop writing now and show up for class. SO there must be something to this 21 days to ‘make or break a habit’ thing! I no longer ignore my body when it calls. I listen and respond. Yoga mat, here I come.
Remember… 99% of success in life is just showing up for yourself. So keep showing up!
You are worth it!
Namaste dear ones.
Cindy Heidel